Being 50 and dating again
What I notice is that I don't seem to hear many happy stories about people (like me) who were married 20 to 25 years, got divorced, and then found happiness/marriage, etc again.
It seems to me that a 50ish woman is somewhere in no-man's land for a future relationship.
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Weathering the waves of sadness — and building a new life without your mate — may pose the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced.
One day, however — trust me on this — the will to live fully again, and even experience companionship, will arise. It’s hard to throw yourself back in the dating game after 30, 40 years or more.
A little background on why I've gone on so many dates might help. But why is a long relationship automatically worthy of admiration? We used to aspire to and admire people who spent decades at one company until we realized that such a career might signal stagnancy more than achievement, and that such loyalty was rarely rewarded by their employers.
I soon got engaged and lived with a woman for a year. And yes, I discovered along the way that I love meeting new people, I love hearing life stories, I love women (I knew that before turning 50).
I may be generalizing but do you see the same thing?
As I also approach 50, I agree with her no-man's land comment in many ways. I have had some issues while shopping for clothes in recent years, because all the clothing out there either seems too young or too old for me. Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and . Earlier on Huff/Post50: Sometimes it feels like the foundation of your social life is so strong that you no longer find the opportunity to meet new and exciting people.
As a single dad, and I mean a really single dad -- no child support, no au pairs (the whole concept of which is bizarre to me, and I couldn't afford a babysitter, much less an au pair! I mentioned the numbers because if I said I've had 75 dates with 25 women over the years, the response justifiably would be, "Hey, who hasn't?
) -- I genuinely empathize with older women who feel they have being rowing the boat alone. " I like it for the same reason I have gone down many professional paths. I don't know that doing one thing for years or being with one person for years is necessarily for everyone. You can have a relationship with anyone you want and (most) people are fine with that.
My most recent posting elicited more than a few comments, many of them predictably harshly critical of me for dating so much and being "committed to being uncommitted." I've learned some things during my over 50 dating years, and hope some of those lessons are of help to people my age -- men AND women (and yes, next column will be advice for women, as foolish as that may seem to some readers coming from such an uncommitted cad as I). I got divorced 20 years ago and after a three-year, three-state child custody battle that cost more -- financially and emotionally -- than one can imagine, I got sole custody of my then 11- and 8-year-old children. I was busy raising these fabulous kids (the best thing I've ever done) and laser-focused on that and only that. I've been married, engaged, and in a few long relationships. After all, the vast majority of men and women on these dating sites had been in long-term marriages. If you're "alone," you must be either a social pariah, (Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber), or terribly, terribly pathetic and sad and unable to maintain a relationship.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating